Just me ranting on about nothing.

Nothing is right, how can I be, how can I feel this way when I have so much, but I feel like I have nothing, I have a roof over my head, I have a beautiful cat who I love and she loves me, I have a dog who is sweet, I have little puppies. I have alot, but yet I'm empty inside, I feel empty around the world. Can no one help me?, question, can anyone love me?. I think that's a big part of why I'm so depressed, because I want someone to love me, either as a bestfriend who's always there for me, or as a family member always on my side, or even just a person who loves me more then anything in the world. I can't have love, because I'm ugly, I'm dumb, I can't think straight, I can't let anyone love me. I can't let anyone love me because I don't want to be loved, to be loved is to be hurt, I don't want to hurt anymore, I want to be happy, I can't be happy ever. To be happy is to open up, to open up is something I can't do to anyone, there fore I right this blog. I'm sick of being hated, I'm sick of being last, I'm sick of being picked on, I'm sick of the Lie's the back stabbing the hate. I want it all to end I want life to end, why can't life be beautiful, why can't people love everyone for who they are and not for what they look like or how much money they have, why can't I let down my walls and windows and bricks and glass and wood and sand and water and all the rest, and let people enter me and let people know me, why I can't do that is because I know no one will care anyway, no one will love me, because I'm stupid to even think someone could. Love is pain, pain is hate, hate is pain. Everything is pain! I don't want more pain, I want to feel like shit, I want to feel happy omg I'm just saying things over and over again now. There's just nothing in me, my soul left me to rot in this place, to let me just go threw life like waste, to never feel true happiness, to never let anyone in, to never love. My soul let me down, I let me down, I let everyone down, born to fail, I'm living up to that, the only thing I'm living up too. Fail is my life, depressed is my Passion, hate is my friend. Hello cruel world my name is Synelle, how do you do?.

Trying to put it in words 3rd day on the pills

Okay Let me try and put my whole day in words.
I woke up and felt depressed so I took my pill, I still felt depressed.
It was my birthday on the 21st of September, and I thought it was going to be a good time, but it wasn't.
First off my mother forgot my birthday, I had no gifts, my mother did buy me a cake I thanked her for it.
It felt like my birthday is not even worth having because no one was happy and I wasn't happy, I hated my birthday.
Then I found out my friend went behind my back and was texting my cousin and they fucked, normally that wouldn't make people mad, but I'm fucked in the brain and this pisses me off.
I forgave them and then my so called friend started pissing me off, so fuck them both!
No one really cares about me, I come last on the list for everyone I know this, but I just wish on my birthday I would come at least 3rd or something.
I will never be first on anyone's list, no one could and will ever love me for me, and I can't be someone they want me to be, I've tried that and I failed hard.
So on my third day of taking my happy pills, not good I feel so down and out and depressed and I hate it.
Also some people rang for me from a clinic, to ask me some questions and I was in such shock that I said I couldn't talk at the moment and for them to ring back the next day, I suck hard.
I just hate my life, there is nothing good in it apart from my animals, and today I got burgerking for my breakfast I felt happy when I ate it, no wonder I'm a fat pig, because food makes me happy, but as soon and all the food is gone I feel like shit again, how could eat that, how could I be so stupid and lame to do that to myself.
Nope I can't do anything right, I suck at everything, I'm stupid I'm dumb [even though they meen the samething].
I hate myself!