Trying to put it in words 3rd day on the pills

Okay Let me try and put my whole day in words.
I woke up and felt depressed so I took my pill, I still felt depressed.
It was my birthday on the 21st of September, and I thought it was going to be a good time, but it wasn't.
First off my mother forgot my birthday, I had no gifts, my mother did buy me a cake I thanked her for it.
It felt like my birthday is not even worth having because no one was happy and I wasn't happy, I hated my birthday.
Then I found out my friend went behind my back and was texting my cousin and they fucked, normally that wouldn't make people mad, but I'm fucked in the brain and this pisses me off.
I forgave them and then my so called friend started pissing me off, so fuck them both!
No one really cares about me, I come last on the list for everyone I know this, but I just wish on my birthday I would come at least 3rd or something.
I will never be first on anyone's list, no one could and will ever love me for me, and I can't be someone they want me to be, I've tried that and I failed hard.
So on my third day of taking my happy pills, not good I feel so down and out and depressed and I hate it.
Also some people rang for me from a clinic, to ask me some questions and I was in such shock that I said I couldn't talk at the moment and for them to ring back the next day, I suck hard.
I just hate my life, there is nothing good in it apart from my animals, and today I got burgerking for my breakfast I felt happy when I ate it, no wonder I'm a fat pig, because food makes me happy, but as soon and all the food is gone I feel like shit again, how could eat that, how could I be so stupid and lame to do that to myself.
Nope I can't do anything right, I suck at everything, I'm stupid I'm dumb [even though they meen the samething].
I hate myself!

Second day of pills

Well today I woke up at about 7am and I took my pill, and then put my cat outside then went back to sleep.
I woke up at around 11am and when I did I felt really good and happy about the day.
The person I don't like even came around today and I didn't mind that much, and every time something back came into my mind, my mind would then thinking about something else, it was crazy.
I even let this person I don't like see my puppies, and I always said I don't want her near them cause she might kill them, ha ha.
When my cousin came around I was so hyper, that was crazy too.
Also today I had to look after my nephew and I loved every moment of it.
The thing is the doctor said that the pills wouldn't kick in for about 1 week to 2 weeks, but at the moment it seems that they are working now.
I hope in a few weeks I get even more happier, I can't go outside still cause I keep thinking everyone is out to get me, but I'm not thinking bad things for too long, so it's most defiantly a step in the right direction.
I can't wait to go see a specialist then let them help me to over come my fear of people.

So far so good, and I'm so glad.

Day one on happy Pill's

I feel so tired, I don't even know if I can write this blog.

Imma try.

I took my first pill this morning, and I feel so darn tired and I tried to sleep but I couldn't
when I had something to eat after taking the pill, I felt sick a big but then that passed, it might have been what I had to eat.

A person I hate came over today and I just didn't have enough energy to be mean to her, it was weird cause I'm always mean to her.

I can't think straight I don't know that's because of the pill or because of the pill making me tired so I guess either way it's the pill.
I can't wait to find out after when I've taken these pills for 2 weeks how I'm going to feel.

Oh also this morning with that person I didn't like was here I thought for a little that everyone didn't like me, also around lunch time when my mother went to a persons house who I don't like either [omg I don't hate everyone] I felt she hated me, because she left me.

Agoraphobia

Agoraphobia


That's what I have, I start my happy pills tomorrow, I can't wait.
I hope it makes me not worry so much and think everyone is out to get me, I hope it would help me enough so I would be able to go out to the shops by myself.
Because right now I can't even go to the shops all alone, because I think everyone's out to get me.

Right now I'm feeling really down, like I'm worthless and that I should just end it all, but I'm not going to because I am thinking in the back of my mind "I'm going to start happy pill's tomorrow and that's the start of something new"

I am going to the doctors in 3 weeks time for a check up to see how the pills are working, and I'm waiting till there's a open up with someone [I can't remember] to see what step to take next to help me out.

I can't wait till the pills start working and I feel better about everything.

=)